Who's On First: Modern Variation

My wife and I did a skit for our church earlier this month, Who's on First. We made some changes and this is what we did. Enjoy!

Jenny: Look Johnny, if you're such a big fan, you must know all the players.
Johnny: I certainly do.
Jenny: Well you know I don’t know any of them, so you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.
Johnny: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.
Jenny: You mean funny names?
Johnny: Strange names, pet names...like A-Rod, Raffy...
Jenny: His brother Daffy.
Johnny: Daffy… Palmeiro... well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
Jenny: That's what I want to find out.
Johnny: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Jenny: Are you a fan?
Johnny: Yes.
Jenny: And you don't know the fellows' names?
Johnny: Well I should.
Jenny: Well then who's on first?
Johnny: Yes.
Jenny: I mean the fellow's name.
Johnny: Who.
Jenny: The guy on first.
Johnny: Who.
Jenny: The first baseman.
Johnny: Who.
Jenny: The guy playing...
Johnny: Who is on first!
Jenny: I'm asking YOU who's on first.
Johnny: That's the man's name.
Jenny: That's who's name?
Johnny: Yes.
Jenny: Well go ahead and tell me.
Johnny: That's it.
Jenny: That's who?
Johnny: Yes.
PAUSE
Jenny: Look, they gotta first baseman?
Johnny: Certainly.
Jenny: Who's playing first?
Johnny: That's right.
Jenny: When they pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Johnny: Every dollar of it.
Jenny: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.
Johnny: Who.
Jenny: The guy that gets...
Johnny: That's it.
Jenny: Who gets the money...
Johnny: He does every dollar. Sometimes I hear wife comes down and collects it.
Jenny: Whose wife?
Johnny: Yes.
PAUSE
Johnny: What's wrong with that?
Jenny: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?
Johnny: Who.
Jenny: The guy.
Johnny: Who.
Jenny: How does he sign...
Johnny: That's how he signs it.
Jenny: Who?
Johnny: Yes.
PAUSE
Jenny: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.
Johnny: No. What is on second base.
Jenny: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Johnny: Who's on first.
Jenny: One base at a time!
Johnny: Well, don't change the players around.
Jenny: I'm not changing nobody!
Johnny: Take it easy, Jenny.
Jenny: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?
Johnny: That's right.
Jenny: Ok.
Johnny: All right.
PAUSE
Jenny: What's the guy's name on first base?
Johnny: No. What is on second.
Jenny: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Johnny: Who's on first.
Jenny: I don't know.
Johnny: He's on third, we're not talking about him.
Jenny: Now how did I get on third base?
Johnny: Why you mentioned his name.
Jenny: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?
Johnny: No. Who's playing first.
Jenny: What's on first?
Johnny: What's on second.
Jenny: I don't know.
Johnny: He's on third.
Jenny: There I go, back on third again!
PAUSE
Jenny: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.
Johnny: All right, what do you want to know?
Jenny: Now who's playing third base?
Johnny: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?
Jenny: What am I putting on third.
Johnny: No. What is on second.
Jenny: You don't want who on second?
Johnny: Who is on first.
Jenny: I don't know.
Johnny & Jenny Together: Third base!
PAUSE
Jenny: Look, you gotta outfield?
Johnny: Sure.
Jenny: The left fielder's name?
Johnny: Why.
Jenny: I just thought I'd ask you.
Johnny: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Jenny: Then tell me who's playing left field.
Johnny: Who's playing first.
Jenny: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?
Johnny: No, What is on second.
Jenny: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Johnny: Who's on first!
Jenny: I don't know.
Johnny & Jenny Together: Third base!
PAUSE
Jenny: The left fielder's name?
Johnny: Why.
Jenny: Because!
Johnny: Oh, he's centerfield.
PAUSE
Jenny: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?
Johnny: Sure.
Jenny: The pitcher's name?
Johnny: Tomorrow.
Jenny: You don't want to tell me today?
Johnny: I'm telling you now.
Jenny: Then go ahead.
Johnny: Tomorrow!
Jenny: What time?
Johnny: What time what?
Jenny: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?
Johnny: Now listen. Who is not pitching.
Jenny: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?
Johnny: What's on second.
Jenny: I don't know.
Johnny & Jenny Together: Third base!
PAUSE
Jenny: Gotta a catcher?
Johnny: Certainly.
Jenny: The catcher's name?
Johnny: Today.
Jenny: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.
Johnny: Now you've got it.
Jenny: All we got is a couple of days on the team.
PAUSE
Jenny: OK, let’s pretend I’m a catcher.
Johnny: Alright.
Jenny: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Johnny: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Jenny: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
PAUSE
Johnny: That's all you have to do.
Jenny: Is to throw the ball to first base.
Johnny: Yes!
Jenny: Now who's got it?
Johnny: Naturally.
PAUSE
Jenny: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?
Johnny: Naturally.
Jenny: Who?
Johnny: Naturally.
Jenny: Naturally?
Johnny: Naturally.
Jenny: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.
Johnny: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who.
Jenny: Naturally.
Johnny: That's different.
Jenny: That's what I said.
Johnny: You're not saying it...
Jenny: I throw the ball to Naturally.
Johnny: You throw it to Who.
Jenny: Naturally.
Johnny: That's it.
Jenny: That's what I said!
Johnny: You ask me.
Jenny: I throw the ball to who?
Johnny: Naturally.
Jenny: Now you ask me.
Johnny: You throw the ball to Who?
Jenny: Naturally.
Johnny: That's it.
Jenny: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Johnny: What?
Jenny: I said I don't give a darn!
Johnny: Oh, that's the shortstop.

Millwood and the Rotation

Kevin Millwood, who led the American League with a 2.86 ERA last season, has agreed to a four-year deal, Texas general manager Jon Daniels announced Thursday.

Financial terms were not disclosed, but the Dallas Morning News reported it was a $48 million contract with an option for 2010 that could raise the total to $60 million.

Despite becoming the first member of the Cleveland Indians to win the ERA title since Rick Sutcliffe in 1982, Millwood finished with a losing record at 9-11 because he received the third-lowest run support in the league.

He gave up just one earned run in each of his last five starts in 2005 and yielded more than three just four times in 30 outings. His .194 average against with runners in scoring position was the lowest among starters in the AL.

Millwood, who turned 31 on Saturday, will head a rotation that will have five new members than what the Rangers started with last season. The Rangers have lost Kenny Rogers to free agency and traded Chris Young in a deal with San Diego for righthander Adam Eaton. Texas also acquired Vicente Padilla from Philadelphia.

Kameron Loe and Juan Dominguez are the leading candidates to fill out the rotation.

In parts of nine seasons with Atlanta, Philadelphia and Cleveland, Millwood is 107-75 with a 3.76 ERA in 258 appearances, all but eight coming as a starter. He enjoyed his best campaign in 1999, when he went 18-7 with a 2.68 ERA during his only All-Star campaign for the Braves.

So, another look at the rotation:

Millwood: 2.86 ERA in 2005, 9-11 Mark, 192 Innings and 146K and 52BB.

Loe: 3.42 ERA in 2005, 9-6 Mark, 92 Innings and 45K and 31BB.

Dominguez: 4.22 ERA in 2005, 4-6 Mark, 70 1/3 Innings and 45K and 25BB.

Eaton: 4.27 ERA in 2005, 11-5 Mark, 128 2/3 Innings and 100K and 44BB.

Padilla: 4.71 ERA in 2005, 9-12 Mark, 147 Innings and 103K and 74BB.

Now, if these five guys start the helm in 2006, then life really is good. Now, if we can lure Roger “The Rocket” Clemens in here for a farewell tour, even better. Loe would still be my guy, but Dominguez would, I guess, do bullpen work. Although, Loe was solid from the pen last year. Not really my call to make, but Loe was an even better starter than he was from the pen. And from a teaching standpoint, you work off the students strengths… so, starter for Loe in my book.

2006 Rangers Thoughts

Alright, here’s the rotation of the Rangers in the start of the 2006 Season:

Millwood: 2.86 ERA in 2005, 9-11 Mark, 192 Innings and 146K and 52BB.

Loe: 3.42 ERA in 2005, 9-6 Mark, 92 Innings and 45K and 31BB.

Eaton: 4.27 ERA in 2005, 11-5 Mark, 128 2/3 Innings and 100K and 44BB.

Padilla: 4.71 ERA in 2005, 9-12 Mark, 147 Innings and 103K and 74BB.

With these four starters, I feel confident that the Rangers are going to make some serious noise this coming year. We did loose Soriano, but really, can we call that a loss? Soriano only performed based on guilt. He makes an error, and then he tries to redeem himself with a hit, home-run, or something to make himself feel better. He led the league in errors for a second baseman. He thinks he is a Major League second baseman? Try getting a gold glove, and then I might consider him decent. Without Sorry, I think the Rangers rotation and hitters would be good for a 95-67 record at the very least. Can we consider a 97 or 98 win season? Maybe. What I will say, is that the Rangers will need to stay healthy and with youth on their side, if the front four knock down 30 starts on average and Tex, Young, and the Hammer stay in the lineup, then it is VERY much possible.

Some Picks to Start the Day

Tuesday, December 13th, 2005

NBA
Spurs (16-4) vs. LA Clippers (14-6)
Spurs are coming off a loss to the Hawks, who snapped a 7 game loosing streak. The Hawks are easily the worst team in the NBA and the Spurs are the best team in the NBA. And the Clippers are for real this year. They are actually the best team in LA. The Spurs are the best team in Texas (did I say that?). The Spurs seem to have a problem winning on Saturday… not sure why that is. They take off the weekend, maybe? Anyway, this one is in San Antonio and the Spurs have a 9-1 record at home. This should be a good game, but still will go to SA simply because the Clippers have trouble on the road. The score, I will say 105-93.

Wednesday, December 14th, 2005

NBA
Rockets (7-12) vs. Golden State Warriors (12-8)
Rockets have a three game win streak right now, which should be in consideration. Coming into today, Golden State is on a two game slide, loosing to two respectable teams (Phoenix and Detroit). Seattle shouldn’t put up to much of a problem, although the Warriors are going to have to put up some points to take it away from them. The Warriors are slightly better at home than on the road, and Houston is pretty much even Steven wherever they play. My gut for whatever reason says Houston, since Golden State is playing back-to-back games, but logic says Warriors can beat Houston even under such conditions. And I will go with logic today. Maybe tomorrow, after gut proves right, will I go with that. 100-92.

Mavs (15-6) vs. Suns (13-7)
Ah, the whole reason for putting these picks together. So much grief and rig-a-ma-roo over one game in a 82 game season. Let me say it now – GO MAVS!! – and there you have it. So, let’s look at the stats which will justify my picking the Mavs, because we all know I will pick the Mavs, right? Mavs play hard on the road and at home, look at the records. Phoenix has barely been on the road thus far this season. I need I remind everyone that Phoenix started the season 0-1? The Suns had a 17 point lead and then lost… tisk, tisk, tisk. Mavs coming off a loss and Phoenix coming off of two. Phoenix can score points, but can’t tell that by the last three games. Dallas seems to lack “the put away” and when they get a strong lead, it diminishes. (Is this football or basketball?) So, I think being two quality teams, it will be a close one, at least in the fourth quarter and the Mavs will walk away a winner unless Phil Jackson hits Dirk in the head and walks away… OK, well he didn’t hit him in the head, but he walked away without showing concern. Very unprofessional in my mind and it caused his team to do the same, again unprofessional. Score: 108-103.

NHL
Stars (19-7-1) vs. Buffalo Sabres (19-10-1)
Do note, the Stars have won 11 of their last 13 and play as a team. A very solid team this year… even better than last year, in which they went undefeated, but winless as well. You know what bums me out, I tried to sign up my son to be a junior Star and they mailed me back a letter saying they don’t do that anymore. WHAT? A sport that is coming off a long work stoppage and not wanting to re-gather a fan base? I simply don’t understand that. Very well, I have only been to two games since they moved here, and maybe that will stay the case for a while longer. As far as points are concerned, these two teams are even. 39 points for each team. Dallas leads their division, Buffalo is second in theirs. Stars have won 5 in a row, Buffalo only 3, but the last loss for Buffalo was a 5 to zero shutout given from San Jose. Stars on average have given up 2 goals over the last 5 games, while scoring more than 3 ½ goals in the process. Buffalo has injuries and Dallas does not. Dallas will win and Buffalo win not. Houdini says the score will be 4-2.